Finding God in the Middle of Disbelief: A Mom’s Journey Through Faith and Fear

“But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior; so my persecutors will stumble and not triumph over me.” – Jeremiah 20:11

As a mom raising a medically complex and autistic child, faith isn’t always easy. There are hospital hallways, endless appointments, test results that terrify, and nights that feel longer than days. For nearly three and a half years, I wrestled with doubt. I whispered prayers that felt hollow. I asked, “God, why isn’t this easier? Why aren’t things turning out like I hoped?”

If you’ve ever felt your faith crumble while trying to protect your child, know this: you are not alone.

The First Crack in Belief

It started when my son, Max, was just four months old. Tiny, hard bumps appeared all over his skin. Something didn’t feel right. And when our pediatrician brushed me off, I didn’t stop pushing.

I prayed on the car ride downtown to see our first specialist: “God, thank You for making sure my son is okay. Thank You for this just being paranoia. I believe in You and I have faith in You.” I had faith in my bones, faith that if I truly believed, nothing bad could happen to Max.

Then came the dermatologist. Her calm voice masked a reality I wasn’t ready for. When she left the room to get a colleague, I held Max, staring out the window, pretending everything was fine. And then she returned with news: they would need a biopsy. That was the moment the first real crack appeared in my faith.

The Descent Into Disbelief

What followed were months of testing, hospital visits, and diagnoses for an ultra-rare disease with no treatment or cure… fewer than 100 documented cases in the world. Every setback made doubt creep in.

I whispered prayers that felt empty: “But I prayed. I believed. Isn’t that enough?”

Hospital mornings were exhausting. Max was scared, hungry, and sleep-deprived. I had to shield him from strangers’ judgment, remain calm while my heart raced, and keep him from melting down in stressful environments. I wanted to scream, cry, collapse… yet I had to be “mighty” in ways I never imagined.

The Moment Faith Returned

Then it happened. A moment that changed everything. We were in a hospital waiting room, carrying months of fear, exhaustion, and doubt. Max was terrified. I had just finished shielding him from insensitive strangers. And then, a man, a complete stranger, looked at me and said, “God bless you and your baby.”

That alone would have been enough. But he went further. He shared how seeing Max gave him the peace he had been praying for. How life had brought him to a moment he didn’t expect, and God had used it to answer prayers.

It wasn’t a cure. There were no instant answers. But God’s presence was undeniable. Every prayer I had whispered in the dark, every cry for courage, every longing for affirmation, it was answered in that moment. God had walked with us through the chaos, protecting and guiding us.

The Slow Return of Faith

It took nearly 3.5 years to fully believe again. Not in a naive, untested faith, but in a faith forged in tears, advocacy, hospital visits, and whispered prayers.

God revealed that He does not shame. He does not stay silent. Jesus rages. Jesus advocates. He shows up when we feel unseen.

This is why The Be Mighty Mom Podcast exists now: to explore how God works in the hard, dark, chaotic moments; to teach how to pray when words fail; and to show that faith and advocacy can exist side by side.

Finding God in the Everyday

Even in disbelief, anger, or despair, God is mighty. He is fighting for your child, for your family, and for you. He is present in hospital hallways, in quiet tears, in the tiny moments where courage is needed.

If you’re a mom struggling with doubt, burnout, or exhaustion, remember: you don’t have to believe perfectly. You don’t have to be unshakeable. God is mighty enough to carry you, even in the middle of disbelief.

Prayer for Moms Who Feel Their Faith Crumble

Lord, meet her in her doubt. Show her that You are still here, that You are still mighty, and that she does not have to carry this weight alone. Surround her with Your presence in the small moments, the hospital rooms, the stranger’s kindness, and the laughter of her child. Restore her faith, gently, one day at a time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Stay Mighty,